Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I was in my parents house for a month this time. Its pretty rare for me to stay that long. I usually visit for a week or so and mostly team it up with a Delhi visit, which somehow, just did not happen this time.

I was forced to realise that my parents, without exception, bring out the worst in me. I don't know how this happens... I dont really plan it that way, I try (not hard enough for sure!) to keep my mouth shut when things get pretty bad... but nothing really helps!

Its like life is this smooth sail... still, peaceful river... I do the things I like, be the way I want to be...try and be the person I'd like myself to be, atleast most of the times.... and then - suddenly the topography changes - the land is rougher, there are stones, pointed, harsh, there are rapids, waterfalls... wild animals... everything changes! This is time spent at my parents house!

There is a concept of human revolution, about changing from the inside in Buddhism. Only when this change comes about, can real change happen in the world around us. Whatever human revolution I actually accomplish when I am in Bombay, slides back to zero in Gwalior! Why...? Well, that is a mystery. Could it be that my parents really have'nt changed in all this time? Could it be that I actually am like that only - the way I am in Gwalior, and in simpler circumstances just become better. Which life is more real? Which self is more real? I am very confused this time. I almost feel like I have travelled back through time, when I sat on that Bombay-bound train!

Someday, I hope to take my life that I live here, the person that I am here, back to that primal place... the house of my parents! That day, true human revolution would have happened!!

1 comment:

Pinku said...

Ambs,

this short post says a lot of things....

But you get full marks for honesty. I think it happens to all of us in some measure...we lose our patience and the need to be calm and composed in front of our parents. I personally can create tantrums about everything when in my mother's home...things that I would take in my strides otherwise.

Perhaps we desperately want our parents to agree with what we do or say and when that doesnt happen we get irritated and lash out.

Hugs!!! U are not alone....and I am sure you have it in you to make that revolution you mentioned happen.